For one month now I can't find sleep.
An inner agitation is keeping me awake.
When I'm not thinking what I'll have for lunch, or learning, I can't stop thinking of photography.
Since June, 17th last year I'm on a withdrawal.
On that day I wrecked my Nikon 8800.
In the time after, I didn't had the feeling of loss, I was just ashamed that I treated something worth 800€ so worse.

In the beginning of this year something strange happened.
Till then I haven't felt the urge to take photos etc. I tried to get things in my studies and the "general situation" straight.
I found a website with a tutorial on "How to become a awesome photographer".
I read it off the reel.
The main message was, in my eyes, that technical issues aren't the cause for good photographs. It's all about thinking and seeing.
On one page the author gave 10 names, from whom you can "learn".
Diane Arbus
Richard Avedon
William Eggleston
Walker Evans
Robert Frank
Andreas Gursky
Annie Leibovitz
Sebastião Salgado
August Sander
I went to the Central library of Hamburg, I've never been before, and borrowed one book exemplary for each.
They didn't fit in two baskets and my brother had to help me with them...
Since I had to leave home in two days, I spend almost all of my time over these books. I don't know if I learned anything, I couldn't name a thing. I just "felt different" afterwards.

Back in my tiny, noisy cell here in my dorm, where I still am, I had nothing but me, my analog Canon Av-1 and my old books.
I was really eager to take analog shots in b/w. I never stepped out the door without my cam, but everytime I consider to take a picture, I somehow felt "stigmatised" as a guy who isn't just walking on the street, but takes photogaphs. This and the high costs of prints (I spent about 80€ this month) stopped me of taking photos.
And that's about the time the unrestlessness began...